John's Suicide
by BloodyRaine
Summary: [complete] John broods, and cuts... slash


Title: John's Suicide  
  
Author: Bloody Raine  
  
Rating: Umm... pg-13?  
  
Warning: Cutting,   
  
Feedback: Please? This is my first seriouis fic  
  
Pairing: Bobby/Marie, Bobby/John  
  
Summary: John cuts?!  
  
Disclaimer: Dammit I don't own them. Promise ^^  
  
Notes: I dont know why I wrote this, but I got realy emotional...  
  
Everybody thought John was so happy, didn't they? He always flirted with all the girls and would be the first one to show off his powers. All his smiles were an act though. A pretty good one too if you asked him. Nobody would have suspected him of cutting, would they?  
  
All alone, at night, when Bobby would sneak off to see his 'girlfriend', heh, what a joke, the two of them couldn't even touch... When he was alone he would put aside the facade and put the lighter down in favor of a more self-destructive weapon. A knife, a cold steel blade.  
  
He started cutting right about the time Rouge moved in to the mansion. Poor Bobby, so oblivious. Ever since John arrived at the institute he had a crush on the 'Iceman'. But just like his name suggested, he was cold, and completely ignorant to John's attention... He learned to accept this, but when Bobby and Rouge started 'going out' it hurt John... So much...  
  
The cutting was an outlet for this pain, he figured that it wouldn't hurt as much, as long as he caused the pain himself.  
  
John silently wondered how much of his own blood had been shed from that blade. He could tell you exactly how deep you needed to cut your wrist before the hot searing pain began to fade and the fuzzy lightheaded feeling began to take over.  
  
If anyone knew about John's secret habit they would have stopped him, but of course they didn't. He had early on figured out some places to cut where no one could see. John would cut his wrist, but only where it could be covered by a watch. After he began to run out of room on his wrist he moved up to his upper arm, where it could be covered by a shirt sleeve.  
  
To compensate for his depression, John started to hang out with the other mutants more and tried to smile, even though it was all an act. And to compensate for his feelings towards Bobby he just flirted with the girls more and more.   
  
When Logan finally left, as they all knew he would, Rouge went with him. Bobby of course took it badly. What had he down wrong? Was it all his fault? John just began to spiral even farther downward. More and more cuts would appear on his body, John was having a hard time dealing with watching Bobby suffer. John became more and more reckless, his depression was thinly veiled at this point. His friends started to notice that he was paler and some of the teachers would ask him what was wrong.  
  
Bobby, ignorant as ever, didn't notice and would spend most of the night wandering the property. This of course, gave John more and more time to cut. It was only a matter of time before somebody stopped John, he almost wished it would happen too, that someone would find out and come to his rescue. Some people would argue that cutting is all about the pain, others would say that the cutter really does, deep down, want help. For John it was both of these things, and neither.  
  
One night, about a month after Rouge had left it finally happened, John went to far. Just like all the other times, it started out with light strokes, then it progressed. At this point John had taken to wearing long sleeved shirts as the scars had become to numerous to hide with a t-shirt. He had his left sleeve rolled up and he was cutting deeper with each stroke. The wooziness, it was taking over. John could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the steady thumps, it was oddly reassuring.   
  
Some god up there must have been watching because at that moment Bobby walked in from one of his many midnight walks and found John hunched over at his desk with a knife in his hand.   
  
Blood, so much blood, it was all over John's arm, the desk and the blade. Bobby panicked.   
  
"Oh my god, oh my god!" Bobby started yelling "Somebody! Scott! Jean! Dr. McCoy! Somebody! Help!" He started to back away from John's body and fell to the ground against the wall. A few seconds latter people started pouring into the room. Jean and Scott were the first ones in the room and after a glance at Bobby with tears rolling down his face they looked over and saw John.   
  
"Oh, my god... Scott, get Dr. McCoy and tell him to prepare a bed in the med lab. Then come back and help me carry John down." Jean commanded, she quickly grabbed a sheet off the bed, tore it and wrapped some of it around John's arm to stop some of the bleeding. She looked over to see the students in the room and commanded them out. "Everyone, back to your room, now." Another glance at Bobby and she saw he was on the verge of a mental break down. "Bobby," She said quietly with all the sympathy a mother would give to a child. She moved towards him and quickly enfolded him in a reassuring hug. "Shhh.... It'll be okay."  
  
Scott and Dr. McCoy came in and carried John out while Jean helped Bobby up off the ground. "Bobby? Will you be alright? I'm sure Johnny will be fine..."  
  
"I.... I don't know... Jean? Can I please come down to the med lab and wait for John. Please?"  
  
Jean looked at Bobby who was wiping his eyes with a tissue. "Sure... Come on." She said as she helped him to his feet.   
  
After a couple hours and a blood transfusion Dr. McCoy finally emerged from the operating room to find Bobby pacing. "Can I see him?"   
  
"He is currently unconscious, Bobby. Would you like me to find you when he wakes up?"  
  
"That's okay, can I see him anyway?" Bobby asked, his voice shaking a little bit.  
  
"Sure Bobby."  
  
Bobby went into the room to find John lying on a cold, white, sterile bed with an IV in his right arm and bandages all over his left. Bobby pulled up a chair, sat on John's right side and grabbed a hand. He heard Hank walk up behind him.   
  
"There are scars that look pretty old. I believe he has been cutting for awhile. They perhaps started around the time Rouge arrived."  
  
"Rouge...?" Bobby asked, and then it started to make sense. Bobby and John had been the best of friends since John arrived. Bobby had known for awhile that John liked him but he thought it was all a joke. Some tears began to form in Bobby's eyes as he spoke. "Its... Its all my fault. Hank, I drove him to this. I knew... I knew he liked me. And when... And when I started dating Rouge... Hank... Its all my fault! I... I wish I could tell him I'm sorry, that I never meant to hurt him... That he's my best friend... That I love him..." Bobby tearfully confessed.  
  
John's hand that was held in Bobby's began to move and squeezed Bobby's hand.  
  
"Its okay, Bobby. Its not your fault." John silently whispered  
  
"Yes... Yes it is. Oh, Johnny... I'm so sorry..." He whispered back as he leaned forward to put his head on John's chest and give him a light hug. Bobby then leaned up to give John a light kiss.   
  
Outside of the room Dr. McCoy was looking at John's charts when he was interupted by Jean.  
  
"Will he be okay?" Jean asked  
  
"John and Bobby? Yes, I can finally say that they will be fine."   
  
~Fin~ 


End file.
